Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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