when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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