im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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