my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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