I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
