Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
