I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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