I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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