We won't sleep together?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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