The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize