Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
