I will die if light touches me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
