Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
