Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
