he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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