the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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