I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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