Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
