I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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