I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
