You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
