I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
