My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
