Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize