So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
