billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
