Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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