I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
