As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
where are you?
Hypothermia
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
