Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
