Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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