She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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