is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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