Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
