yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
