did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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