I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
