okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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