Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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