She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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