The maid of honor just puked.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
