pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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