Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
