Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
