The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
