I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm always down for nudity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
