Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
