Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
