I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is wine microwaveable?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
