Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
