Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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