he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
