this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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