he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
