The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
